HOW MY INSECURITIES LIT THE SPARK OF MY INNER FIRE

I could talk about all the things I’ve done, all the crews I worked with and all the amazing projects that I have started and was a part of but I feel like talking about what really shaped my vision to become the

best version of myself- my insecurities.

When I was a kid I was totally the one child every adult hated because they were forced to watch me perform no matter where I was. I was all about putting a show and celebrating myself. So my mother knew she was in trouble. I experimented a lot throughout my childhood and teenage years and the more I ventured the more talents and possibilities I explored. I started with singing and songwriting. I was 13. I gave my all to this passion and I even performed in front of a larger audience. I was sure that I was going to get a record deal and be big as my influences. It felt amazing to stand in front of an audience but something was missing. I could not fully express myself. So I kept on exploring and was looking for something else. It wasn’t until the first dance class I took that I realized this is what I am going to do. I wanted to be a dancer.

After years of practicing and experimenting I could finally say that I became a dancer. After I finally mastered the art of copying a choreography in class I wanted to go further because even that was not enough for me. So I decided that I wanted to be my own boss and teacher and I formed my own dance Crew with 16 years old and I named it FEROX. Less did I knew that I actually had to do my own choreography now.

Was I ready for this mission? No I wasn’t. But I had to swing it somehow. And I did. I choreographed my first show and competed at a regional competition and I WON.

I cannot explain to you how this moment defined my perception of myself. The first time in my life I was given the chance to feel what it felt like working so hard for something that actually payed off. I did not care how small or big the competition was the important thing was that I DID it. From that moment on nothing could stop me. You know the saying ; once you tasted blood, you’re in for the kill. Since that day my formation is alive and is competing at different competitions.

Since you know my mental circle with my talents now you probably can guess what happened next..I got bored. Choreographing and dancing alone was not sufficient for me anymore. I needed more. One Thing you need to know about me is that I am very observant while creating. Something that I have seen years ago can be my creative inspiration today.

I started my research on shortfilms and videos and I asked myself: Can I produce a shortfilm? Can I write a script that could find its way to realization? Asking myself this question one year long I suddenly found myself in the middle of the shooting for my first shortfilm called MANIFESTATION.

While doing this shortfilm I decided that this film needed a purpose. One thing led to another and the opening of my OWN DANCE STUDIO became the purpose of my shortfilm. I knew it was going to be big but I didn’t think that Manifestation would become a trend for creating shortfilms locally:)

The resonance was unbelievable. Numerous calls, jobs and even my first international booking as a dance instructor were the result of my yearning for artistic innovation.

Looking back I realized that I have given myself several references just by exploring what I could do or not. Now I was a dancer, a choreographer, a owner, a songwriter and a director. How did I manage to become all of these things without really having learned to do them?

By dealing with my insecurities and making them my fuel to my inner fire. Am I done? Definitely not. It feels like I trained myself to be the best I can be and now is the time to really operate. The future is mine because I believe in myself and I do not react to hate or criticism. I never did. Because being criticised and hated by several people makes me stand out. Some might perceive me as arrogant or too confident but what those people do not know is that they lift me up by attributing these qualities to me.

This is how I became the person I am today.

And I can be better than this.

All you have to do is piss me off and tell me I CANNOT do something ;-)